Illusions of Fate Read online

  “And you practice no arts, Hallin or Cromberg?”

  “I don’t understand what that question even means.” I am horrified and trembling, unsure what has come over me. “Please let me leave.” I cannot believe what I’ve admitted to. My head feels slick and slippery, like a path has formed between my brain and my tongue. I want nothing else sliding free.

  He taps his fingers together as though he’s trying to divine more than my words have told him. “Why are you here?”

  “Because you ordered food and I work in the kitchen!”

  “Someone is playing us for fools,” he mutters. His hand snakes out and before I can raise the knife, he pulls something from my bun. Between his fingers is a single black feather.

  How was that in my hair? I’ve washed it since the bird attack.

  Finn holds it over a candle on the small table next to the door, and instead of lighting on fire, it evaporates in a puff of pale smoke. He looks back at me and sighs, a finger placed thoughtfully over his lips. “I’m sorry. I mean you no harm. You obviously have no part in this. My apologies for a less-than-graceful strategy. But I wonder . . .”

  Abruptly standing straight, he brushes past me and leaves the scents of candle smoke and spicy cloves in his wake. The door! I dart forward but the doorknob burns my hand. I yank it back, hissing.

  “Not yet, Jessamin. I need you to do something for me.”

  I let out every curse I know in my own tongue, most of which revolve around the shriveling death of his manhood. I rip off my white cap and wrap it around the doorknob as a buffer, but it’s still too hot. Blowing on my burned fingers, I turn around to find Finn standing much too close. His dark eyes are locked on to mine and behind them is a frantic light—madness, anger, lust, I cannot distinguish. I am frozen between wanting to lean closer and wanting to lean away.

  “I still have the knife.” My voice trembles.

  “No, you don’t.”

  I look down. My hands, both burned and unharmed, are empty.

  “It will be fine.” He takes a deep breath, and I frown, wondering which of us he is trying to reassure. “It will be fine,” he repeats. “Pull a card from this deck, and you may go.”

  I look down to see that, where his hands had been as empty as mine, he now holds a deck of cards. The backs are painted a uniform midnight blue with golden stars, and though they’re not worn, they seem old.

  He cannot be serious.

  “A card trick? You lured me up here and locked me in your chambers to perform a card trick?”

  The smile he gives me lacks both warmth and humor. “Please,” he says through gritted teeth. “A single card. I must be sure.”

  I fold my arms and lean back against the door to put more space between us. He’s so close, too close, and I am painfully aware of how little clothing he’s wearing. If anyone were to walk in on us, my reputation would be ruined.

  I will not humor him. “I refuse.”

  “Just one card and you are free to go, everything that has been said between us this night forgotten.” He raises an eyebrow in challenge, and I scowl. He now holds my dearest secret—the truth about my father that not even Jacky Boy knows. I couldn’t bear it if the school knew I blackmailed my way in. Though I am at the top of my classes, they would never again take me seriously. They hardly do so now.

  “Just one card”—he knows he has me—“and you walk out the door and never see me again.”

  I square my shoulders. “Is that a promise?”

  “Take a card.”

  Gritting my teeth, I pluck a single card from the deck. I don’t break eye contact. “Your card,” I snap.

  I hold it up, and he staggers back as though I’ve dealt him a physical blow. The rest of the cards fall from his hands and whisper down to the carpet.

  “Wretched fates,” he whispers. “I am sorrier than I can tell you.”

  A cold something prickles down my spine, and I look at the card. In my hand—though I am certain—certain—I took one card, are two.

  “Please leave.” His voice is strangled, and his eyes are wide with fear.

  I drop the cards without looking at them and flee. It’s only after I’m safely in my room that I realize his door had unlocked itself.

  Four

  AS I LEAVE THE LIBRARY, I’M NOT LOOKING WHERE I walk and nearly bump into a man.

  “Oh, I’m so—” I stop, the apology trapped on my tongue. Professor Miller looks back at me, eyes opened as round as his glasses. My first instinct is to run, to flee, to do anything to get away from the awkwardness of this moment.

  But then something mean and stubborn inside of me rears its ugly head and instead I stand there, not breaking eye contact, my back and shoulders straight with defiance. I dare him to speak to me.

  He ducks his head and hurries away, misjudging the space and smashing his shoulder into one of the bookshelves.

  “I hope that hurt,” I whisper, not sure whether I won or lost.

  Sighing, I push out of the building. The day is heavy with clouds, even the green of the grass and shrubs losing their sharper edge of color, and I rub at my sleeves wishing I had brought a shawl.

  Finding an open bench is no issue. I crack open a book written by the very man I just passed. Usually the chapters are tedious, but today something catches my eye. This section focuses on the royal families of the Iverian continent, Albion’s across-the-channel neighbor and constantly rotating source of enemies and allies.

  Hallin. I’d never heard the term before Finn and his crazy questions (and my shameful answers, the honesty of which I still cannot account for). But Hallin is the name of the family from which all the Iverian continental countries draw their royals.

  Skimming with a new urgency, I find the other name: Cromberg. The royal family from which all Alben gentry descends.

  I try to connect it, but it leaves me even more confused than that entire encounter did. Why would Finn ask me which royal line I practiced? How does one practice a royal line? And why would anyone think I had associations with either?

  Perhaps Finn is in some sort of trouble. Perhaps he’s a spy, or a traitor, or . . . a prince in disguise. Yes. Because that makes as much sense as anything. I laugh quietly, imagining all of our encounters with this filter. The poor prince in hiding. The exotic, too-good-for-her-circumstances woman who breaks through his barriers. I ought to be making my money by writing the penny romances sold to bored housekeepers.

  A caw makes me slam the book shut with a startled exclamation. “You!” I glare at the large black bird on the bench next to me. It’s foolish to think it’s the same foul creature, but I cannot help it. This bird is missing a claw from its left foot. I take note, if only to prove to myself that I am not seeing the same bird everywhere I go.

  It reminds me of the feather Finn found in my hair. But the feather is gone, and so is Finn—checked out of the hotel. Hopefully forever, and good riddance. I shouldn’t spare him any more thoughts.

  The image of his collarbones beneath the open robe rises unbidden in my mind, and I curse at myself in Melenese. Penny romance indeed.

  The bird caws again and I shoo at it with my hands. “I am very cross with you. Please leave at once.” It ignores my attempts at banishment, so I turn my head to face directly forward, nose in the air. Part of me wants to run inside, but I refuse to be cowed by a bird. This is my bench today.

  It lets out another caw, this time softer. I hadn’t realized birds had the capacity for volume control. Out of the corner of my eye, I see it bob up and down like it wants my attention—silly thought, birds are not cats, it is not trying to communicate—and then, with another caw, it flies away.

  More relieved than I care to admit, I look at the empty spot where it had been, only to find a long, green satin ribbon.

  This city has a veritable plague of large black birds. I cannot understand how I never noticed until now. I see them everywhere I go. But none get close enough for me to determine whether or not they are my ribbon
-fascinated stalker.

  Which is why being awoken by one of the brutes tapping on my tiny window sets my heart racing and my teeth on edge. I flop back down onto my cot, hand cool against my fevered brow. There was a dream, with . . .

  Finn. I can still feel the curve of his collarbone where I traced it with my finger. He was apologizing, and I was in his arms, the angles of his sharp shoulders wrapped toward me.

  Another tap against my windowpane. I jump out of bed and scream, pushing the window out on its hinge and dislodging the bird in a flurry of black feathers. “And don’t come back!” I shout.

  I lean my head out, closing my eyes against the soft mist drizzle the sky has been weeping for a fortnight. If it would only rain, that would accomplish a cleansing of the city, but this drizzle simply coats everything in a layer of slick damp over the usual grime and dirt.

  Poor bird. I spend nearly all my time indoors and still I’m going mad with the weather. It was probably trying to find an alcove to get dry. I grab a tin of biscuits from my nightstand and set them out along the ledge as a peace offering.

  To my surprise, the bird comes back immediately, claws grabbing onto the narrow stone ledge just outside my reach. A missing claw. Maybe the odd creature has imprinted on me? Though it is far from a new hatchling. It turns its head outward toward the rain, but one yellow eye remains fixed on me reproachfully. “Yes, fine. I apologize. Get dry and stay warm with a snack.”

  Shaking my head, I close the window and sit back on my cot. The school is on holiday, which means as much studying, only done in this tomb instead of the library. I have become intimately acquainted with every inch of my tiny room. At one point I charted the precise rate at which the plaster splits, and extended the formula to predict when the next crack will appear and how many finger-lengths it will span.

  I am going mad.

  I wish Kelen had told me where he lived. I could use an outing, some excuse to leave the hotel. And I’d dearly love to talk about Melei and our childhoods there.

  I hate that I have to wait for him to visit in order to see him. I don’t like being locked in my own thoughts. He’d be such a nice distraction.

  There is a soft knock at my door, and I call, “Come in!” with a great deal of relief and urgency.

  Ma’ati enters, closing the door behind her with a whisper of sound. She is the perfect maid—even when you are in the same room together it’s difficult to notice her. Her face is sweet and plain and round, her hair always pinned beneath a white cap. We cannot tell whether her Alben or my Melenese is worse, and our conversations always vary between the two in a confusing jumble of not-quite-right words before we settle on Melenese.

  “How are you?” she asks, her eyes taking in books strewn on every surface.

  I wave my hand. “I wish this rain could wash away the gray, but it seems to be adding even more.”

  “I miss color.” Her eyes drift to my window. “And fruit ripe off the tree.”

  “And the warm brown skin of men who work an honest day.”

  “Oh, I still see some of that.” She blushes and her hand goes to her mouth as though she can pluck the words out of the air and put them back beneath her tongue.

  I smile. “When will you and Jacky Boy marry?” She’s younger than I am, only sixteen, but there is something in the way she carries herself, telling a sad history that made her far older. It makes my soul light to think that she has found someone as strong and gentle as my cousin.

  “You cannot speak of it! I haven’t—we haven’t—I would never do anything improper.” The word improper is in Alben, of course. It has much more meaning here.

  “Ma’ati, sweet, I know that! But it’s obvious you two are meant to be together.”

  Her dark eyes twinkle with light. “Spirits willing, next spring. We think the managers will let us stay on rather than lose two good workers.”

  “Oh, Ma’ati!” I draw her in for a hug and wonder if, had they not left the island, Ma’ati and Jacky Boy would have ever found each other. Perhaps this dreary country is good for something after all.

  “Oh, but that is not the reason I am here!” Ma’ati pulls back, her eyes alight with even more excitement. “You’ve had a package. It came just now. They brought it to me by mistake. Come on!” She takes my hand in hers and we run past the other servant quarters’ doors and into her room.

  I see now why she elected to leave it rather than move it herself—it’s nearly as tall as I am and half again as wide.

  “I have no idea what this is.” The box is made of wood so thin it’s nearly translucent, and a red ribbon encircles it, with a cream envelope tucked into the bow. I pull it out—the paper is heavy and thick in my hands. Jessamin Olea is written in elegant strokes.

  “Open it, open it! I have three rooms to finish before midmorning and I cannot handle the suspense!”

  Smiling nervously, I break the seal—an unmarked circle of black wax—and slide out two cards. The first is an invitation to a gala ball celebrating the opening of a new royal conservatory; the date is tomorrow night. I pass it to Ma’ati, shrugging my shoulders. The second is handwritten in the same elegant script from the envelope.

  Please attend as my guest. I must see you again, if only to apologize and explain myself. I cannot banish you from my thoughts and no longer want to. Until then, F.

  I realize only when Ma’ati holds out her hand for the second note that I am covering my mouth, barely breathing. I had not thought to hear from him ever again.

  A rebellious anger stirs in my breast and I set my mouth in a grim smile. I will not attend. He can wait all night. I’ll not do him the honor of playing to his whims, nor will I ever again give him opportunity to unsettle me like he did that night in his room.

  “Open the package!” Ma’ati demands, still eyeing the note I have not yet passed to her. I tuck it into my dressing robe instead, and undo the ribbon. It takes both of us to pry the lid free, but when we do neither of us can find words for what we see.

  Five

  I WEAR THE SINGLE MOST BEAUTIFUL DRESS I have ever seen in my life. Set against the brilliant scarlet material, crystals are sewn down the neckline and across the bodice in a dizzying pattern. The skirts hang with a gauzy lightness that feels like a dream on my legs. It’s sleeveless, in the fashionable cut of the season, with a sash over my shoulders.

  “You’ll look like a fire-petal, dancing in that,” Ma’ati whispers, referencing the flowers that bloom in the high heat of summer all over Melei, turning the hillsides into a violent riot of red.

  Spirits take that rotten Finn. I didn’t have the strength in me to say no to this dress. And the shoes, delicate black heels, fit perfectly with the gartered stockings. As though these details were not enough to win me over, a silver hair comb with the same red crystal accents as my dress was included and is now tucked into my twisted bun.

  I am worried bordering on terrified of this evening—so much so that were it not for Ma’ati’s excitement over dressing me I might have called the whole thing off. She even talked Jacky Boy out of needing me in the kitchens tonight.

  “Wait!” Ma’ati runs out of my room and comes back with a small bronze jar in her hand. “Please don’t tell, but one of the guests left this lip rouge in her room, and she never asked for it back.” She dips her finger in and pulls it out, tracing my lips as carefully as an artist.

  “Oh,” she says, her voice like a sigh. “You look like the queen.”

  “The queen is eighty years old.”

  Ma’ati swats my shoulder. “You know what I mean. Like a queen ought to look.”

  “How do you know how to do this? The corsets and the hair and the stockings. I’d have been lost without you.” My regular dresses are sturdy and plain—buying the student uniform cost all my savings, so that’s all I wear. And my hair is a mystery even to myself, but Ma’ati’s deft fingers twisted and pulled it into something of a miracle.

  “I used to be a lady’s maid.”

  “How
did she ever let you go?” A lady’s maid would have been a much higher position than head maid of even a fine hotel.

  Ma’ati smiles with one side of her mouth, but there is no happiness there. “The lady’s gentleman became too fond of me.”

  “I’m so sorry.”

  “Nothing to me now. I came here and found Jacky Boy, and he’s better than all the fine manors in the country. Now then, a mirror.”

  I pull on the shiny, black, elbow-length gloves, admiring how such a simple thing can transform plain scholar’s hands into mysterious things of beauty.

  “Jessamin, there’s—” Jacky Boy stops midsentence, staring at me from the open doorway. I am instantly aflame with embarrassment.

  “Yes?”

  “Your friend. Kelen? He’s downstairs in the kitchen with a delivery. Wanted to see you.”

  I take a step toward the door and then pause. I look ridiculous. How will I explain any of this to Kelen? Oh, yes, a strange and infuriating person I barely know sent me the dress so I can go to a grand gala! Isn’t it nice? Kelen has even more reason to hate Albens than I do. I couldn’t bear the derision I know I’d see on his face.

  Why did he have to show up now? Any other time I would have been thrilled to see him. Now I feel like a traitor. Maybe I am a traitor. I ought to take off all this nonsense and go see him.

  But tonight, for once, I don’t feel like remembering the island we can’t have. I want to have a night here, now, rather than wallowing in what I left behind.

  “Will you—will you tell him I’m not here?”

  Jacky Boy nods. I expect him to look disappointed in me, but he seems almost relieved at the deception. He leaves and I follow Ma’ati out into the hall. We nearly bump into Simon, the tiny and perpetually terrified bellhop.

  “Miss Jessamin! Outside, for you, there’s—” He takes a deep, steadying breath. “There’s a motor. Outside. For you.”